World’s Ugliest Sweater – Story Time

24 Oct

If you have known me since I was 15 (okay, not too many of you), you may remember the tale of the World’s Ugliest Sweater.

Now, the World’s Ugliest Sweater was a Christmas present from my then-boyfriend’s parents. I wish I still had it, just so I could actually prove that it is, in fact, the World’s Ugliest Sweater. It was a V-neck but it also had a short sort of quasi-collar, sewn on the inside of the V-neck part, that didn’t come down far enough around the neck to be considered an actual collar. Made of 100% of the itchiest wool known to man, it was a montage of puke-orange, baby blue, various shades of brown, and cream-ish, composed from different sized squares of single and multiple colors, some with not-quite-patterns. That description does not do justice to its hideousness.

It was so hideous, truth be told, that then-boyfriend asked me never to wear it in public, and the image of it is seared into my memory forever. Despite World’s Ugliest Sweater’s lack of aesthetic value, my best friend K-K and I did our very best to make this sweater work in an actual outfit. I think we tried it on with every piece of clothing that we both owned, to no avail. The Sweater was determined to remain Ugly and Unwearable. I did hold on to it for many years, for no real reason, but threw it out at some point, most likely when I moved away for college.

Why bring up the World’s Ugliest Sweater, you ask? Because these mitts kind of remind me of that sweater, only way prettier. And way softer.

MittI knit this much on Saturday, but it looked…not right. So I ripped and reknit, to far superior result.

The mix of fall-ish colors and the variation in pattern from section to section is reminiscent of the random non-pattern in the sweater. Still, these mitts are so much better than World’s Ugliest Sweater, are made of non-itchy alpaca, and will actually be worn in public. Although, I think the World’s Ugliest Sweater did get worn over to then-boyfriend’s house once, just to be nice. You know how that is.



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